How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
