You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
