i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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