Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize