nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
