Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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