Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize