im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His hands were made for my vagina.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
