Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize