We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
