Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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