we have officially lost it.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
