Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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