I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
