i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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