i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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