Soap is not a condiment
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Help. Why am I so naked?
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