I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
