So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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