I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
