I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
