she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
