That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
