This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I deserve this hangover.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
