am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
