Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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