Need sex. Gaining weight.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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