SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
