Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
