the condom got lost in my hair
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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