Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
