I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
