so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
