I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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