hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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