Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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