I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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