I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
