The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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