I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I smell stomach acid.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
