im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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