two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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