sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
