flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
