My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
