I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
