It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
