a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
