I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
