I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
