it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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