i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
