matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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