K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
