need another drink. this is the easiest way
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
