i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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