I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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