WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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