i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
