it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
