she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
