He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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