omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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