he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
