totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
