i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize