I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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