Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
