i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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