I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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