he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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