It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
