her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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