I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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