ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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