Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize