how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
