im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
