i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize