The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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