I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
