Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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