Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
