Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
