She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
