Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
