I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
