Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
