im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
