Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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