So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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