my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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