ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
