Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
