I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
